Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Tension between confetti and meaningless

I feel like this theme keeps popping up in my life in several places and I can't help, but ignore it any longer. The fact is that several people I know are facing cancer and not just cancer, but terminal cancer. These people are finding themselves one minute healthy, living normal lives going to work and the next minute finding out they have six months to get their affairs in order for they will no longer be on this side. It got me thinking.. Have I been filling my life with confetti ready to go in six months?? Have I packed in every moment that I wanted? Have I spent time with those loved ones?


The other theme I'm finding myself facing is the complete polar opposite...

I'm finding people who are chasing meaningless things. Let me explain myself because I find myself in this category too. I find myself chasing perfectionism, I find myself worrying, and not just worrying, but worrying to please other people and worrying about what others think. I used to find myself concerned about my clothing, but that has gone to the way side, since we are paying off debt. I used to be concerned about the latest music and movies, but that has also gone to the wayside. I don't even know what the cool cars are anymore. I don't know what is coming out on DVD or who is coming to our local venues for concerts. I'm getting out of touch, but yet, I'm chasing meaningless things. I know because I can feel it. I spend hours on Facebook, Twitter, blogs and others social media. I know this doesn't add anything to my days. Maybe you're striving to be the perfect wife or you're trying to be an awesome stay at home mom. Or, you've put on 20lbs since your pregnancy and are trying to lose the weight that doesn't seem to fall off. You continue to chase, to find that your soul is EMPTY.

I myself, I'm finding this tension between living this normal life and trying not to chase those meaningless empty things. Are you with me? Do you feel the tension? Do you feel the tension between wanting to achieve and wanting to be? Are finding that you want to live your life fully and completely, yet your trapped by the meaningless?? Whether shallow or deep, I find the need to fulfill. Whether I fulfill with busyness or stuff, I continue to chase, but it continues to leave my soul restless.

As I continue to think about these two polar opposite places, I don't want to get to the end of my life chasing these empty meaningless things. I don't want to have wasted my days or my life. I can feel that my soul is restless right now as I struggle between these two things to find balance. I don't want to have worked all of my life, to have gained nothing, yet, I don't want to have wasted my life for nothing. Do you see where I'm going? Do you hear my struggle??

And so I invite you to find the confetti in your life. Where are you? Are in the tension of filling your life with meaningless things or are you filing your days with confetti? Where are you? Who are you spending your days with? Do you need to realign your priorities?? 

I'm with you. 
I'm struggling too.
Tell me I'm not alone.
Please hear my heart. 
I want life.
I want to live abundantly.
How do we do this?


Susan P said...

I would never have guessed this of you. You fill everyone's buckets. You ARE building confetti!

Britt said...

Sarah, I am sorry so many people are getting cancer in your life, I also feel like people, too young, are dropping like flies! It's scary and definitely makes you re-think how you're living for sure!

Sarah said...

Major tension, Sue! I feel this constant tug lately between what matters and what doesn't. The struggle is real.

Sarah said...

Britt, I'm with ya. It's crazy how many youngings are dropping, but it also makes me realize that he promised it would happen in a blink of an eye. I want to be ready, but I want to live abundantly.