I haven't blogged in the last few days because I have been down, really down..
After two years of victory, I thought we were over this.. I thought we had passed this... I looked back and can't believe my body endured 26.2 miles on a UTI.. This should have happened then, but it didn't!
I've been living life, like this didn't exist, knowing it was there the whole time, but deafening the doubt in my mind. I've been living in freedom...
The freedom has been AMAZING!
And isn't it amazing how five seconds can change your whole frame of mind?
How you can go from thinking you're capable of anything to feeling like you'll never do it again..
Wednesday I woke up feeling ICKY.. As I look back, that was the first indicator and has always been a warning sign.. I ignored it, took my half pill and went on my merry little way.. Feeling exhausted, I needed to get myself going and I knew I had a BUSY day, so I shrugged the feeling off.. Two hours later, I felt it and wished I would have LISTENED!
All of a sudden, a rush came over my body and I knew what was coming. I went to grab my purse to find the emergency stash. I felt the bottle in the palm of my hand, but I was too late.. I could feel the black coming, I felt like throwing up everywhere. I started going deaf and then darkness came over me..
It's the scariest thing.
Not having any control.
5 seconds later, I was completely on the ground and with a bloody elbow.. I realized, it happened. I just lost a piece of my life. It was seconds unaccounted for..
No one prepares you for the endless thoughts that go through your mind, the safety concerns, the doubts of your ability to function or the life you could have if this keeps rearing its ugly head.
I've been angry.
I've come this far.
I've build a life. I'm in a place where I am enjoying my career, learning and making a difference in the lives of children.
I've come to this place in my running. I've felt completely free.. Although I am recovering from injuries, which are frustrating, I haven't let it determine my attitude or love for running.. It's just fueling the reasons to get back out there.. I've been free..
One moment has left me paralyzed this week. I act on the outside like I'm okay because I have to be tough for others, I need them not to worry and we can't do anything for this..
I pick myself up, take my medication, reduce stress, get enough sleep and keep moving.
Keeping up with the spirit of moving on, I went to Yoga class on Wednesday night, even though I probably shouldn't have. Yesterday, I walked around outside and spent time making some online purchases..
It will work out.. Although I am in a weak spot, this isn't over.
Question: What challenges in life do you face? How do you overcome them?