Sunday, December 23, 2012

Faith to move a Mountain.

Are you tired of looking for a job? Are you constantly fighting each day to search, sending your resume, getting interviews, but nothing panning? 

Are you exhausted?

Is a loved one going through a horrific disease? You begin to ask, why God? 

Have you recently lost a loved one? God, why would you allow this happen?

Are you struggling to get out bed each day? Do wonder where God is ?

Are you searching for a mate, but never finding the right one? 

Dear Dream sisters, are you struggling to find HIS faithfulness in all of your life struggles and situations?  Do you wonder does he really know me by name? Why is all of this so hard if God is so good??

I've been in that season
Pouring my soul into finding God. 
Where are you?? 
Why me??? 

{Let me share my story of questioning and doubting a wonderful creator who is always FAITHFUL, even when we don't feel, see or understand his MYSTERIOUS ways!}

You just walked down the aisle in a beautiful, white, wedding gown promising your life to a man  who you think is God's best!! You've waited for this moment since High School. 
You've done everything right..
 staying abstinent  
followed God's leading
 honored your parents.

Fast Forward to the first 3 months of your marriage, your first week at your new job to have your husband receive a phone call saying- "Your wife has passed out several times, you probably should come pick her up and take her to the hospital. She regained consciousness fast, but we are concerned. "

Fast Forward another two months later: No answers from any doctors.  "Drew!" "It's happening again." Within a split second of yelling for my husband, I fell down in the bathtub. For seconds I could hear him yelling at me, but I couldn't respond. He kept yelling my name and when I was able to talk to him I said "Stop yelling at me, you're scaring me."  "Sarah do you know what happened? I looked around and slowly began to realize I was in the bathtub, my husband hair was wet, as were his clothes. "I don't remember", I said. 

" You passed out again, we have to get you to the hospital."

"What! They did nothing last time. They diagnosed with a Urinary Tract Infection! You honestly think they will figured this out! Heck no! We cannot afford another hospital trip.. The ER is too expensive and we cannot afford it. I'm not going... 

Christmas is coming, we can't do this again."

As we rung in 2011, we had no idea what the year would bring. 

Our patience was tested.
Our strength as a newly wed couple was held on by a thread.
Our fiances completely broke.
Everything we knew to be true about God, was shattered.
Our faith was shaken.
We were at some very low points.

After almost 1 full year of medical testing, physical and emotional endurance, we got our answers. It came the week before we were to celebrate our 1st Anniversary at Walt Disney World. 


This diagnosis made me question everything. 
I questioned my faith.
my purpose.
the creator of the world.

What do you mean I have EPILEPSY? 

And then more questions:
Am I going to lose my drivers license?
Am I going to be able to work?
Will I be able to have kids?
How can we afford this?
Will I ever be able to run again? 
Where are you God? Why have you allowed this to happen????

God, I am {PISSED} at you!!! Why me? Don't you know I went in Social Work to serve people? Don't you know that I love running? Don't you know that I am stubborn? Do you realize how independent I am? Do you know WHO  I am?? Why did you allow this to happen to me??  My life is RUINED! 

Obviously, God knew what he was doing, I just didn't.

As I began to ask the scary questions..

God began to slowly show up. 
He began to become present in my life. 
I began to seek Him.
 He did not leave me, He did not forsake me. 
He knew what He was doing.
 Despite my inability to see what was going on, God remained patient with me through my humanly doubt. 
He was holding my hand the entire process, even though I never felt it.
 He is good, even in the messy of life, I just didn't feel it.

It was one night at church, I made a decision to get prayed for. I am not the person who will ask for anything. I am not good at taking care of myself or my needs. Asking for prayer, was very humbling. In those moments of being prayed for, I knew the chains were breaking off my body. I felt healed.  Not just physically, but spiritually and emotionally. I felt God's presence in that moment. God showed himself to me.

After this evening...
I began to wonder, could I run again? 
Could I do this without getting hurt? 
Am I really healed
Was it just in my head?

God healed me, but in my human brain, I needed to know... Why as humans we question God? I just think as humans we don't understand the greatness of God.  I began to slowly test my bodies endurance and response to running.. 

This past May, I finished a 25k (15.5 mile) run! God showed up. I woke up race morning with no voice, realizing this wasn't going to be good, but knowing that God did not bring me through all the training to leave me..

 God brought me through every mile! 

I finished 15 minutes faster than two years previous the EPILEPSY!

And then a couple weeks later, I felt God speaking to my heart... Remember that Walt Disney World marathon you've had your heart set on? Go run it! You've got this. After sitting on the thought for a couple of weeks, I asked my husband if he would be willing to do it with me or willing to go.. He jumped immediately and said he would train with me.. 

My husband was not a runner. He just committed to running a full marathon! What? He can't even run a MILE!

 Over the summer, we began slowly training and picked it up this fall. God has been faithful every step of the way. 

As the mileage increased, the doubt came in, telling me I would never finish training.
 The voice kept telling me I couldn't do this!
 It kept trying to press me down. 

God's faithfulness trumped. On every long run, (I'm talking like 16 or 18 mile runs) God showed us His faithfulness by providing perfect weather. Not a snowflake has hit the ground on our long runs, which is unusual for Michigan. 

Not a seizure has happened.

 Despite the grueling energy and dehydration a body can go through during marathon training, God has kept me in 1 piece! Numerous medical craziness has happened along the way and GOD still has provided me the body to keep moving forward. 

It's Him!
 It has nothing to do with me.

Yesterday, we completed our last 18 mile run before our taper! 

We will be running the WDW MARATHON in January!!
 The glory is not mine, but God's. 
He is so FAITHFUL!!
 If our faith is as a tiny as a MUSTARD seed, He will MOVE our Mountain!

He has moved the mountain in my life!

This year at Christmas, I invite you to look at your life and find the places where God has shown up. 
Maybe you can't find Him? 
Rest assure my sisters, He is there. 
He is holding your hand.
He will remain faithful.
He will bring you out of this season of life.
He has a plan. 
His plan is better than yours!
Keep seeking Him.
He will move the MOUNTAIN!
Hold on to your faith!

Matthew 17:20
I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."

Question: Where has God shown up? What area of your life are you expecting God to deliver you from? Can I pray for you??? 


Unknown said...

What an amazing story! Thanks for sharing, and for encouraging others to dream.

God's faithfulness in my life has been most evident in the adoptions of our two children. I'm thankful he grew our family how and when he saw best. It was far better than my plan! :)

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