If you know me well, you know I struggle with beauty. I have always focused on what I am not.
Not pretty enough.
Not skinny enough.
Not smart enough.
Not good enough.
Not witty enough.
Not crafty enough.
Not fast enough.
The part of not being "skinny enough" has been a long and hard battle of ups and downs over the past few years. I have experienced significant highs and lows in this area. I have wanted freedom for so long and just have struggled.
Well, I am here to tell you, I have officially dropped two pant sizes. I have gone to the single digits and can I tell you, I am ECSTATIC!
My pants have been getting a little saggy in the butt region, but I was afraid to try on new pants. Three weeks ago, I thought I had lost enough weight for a smaller pant size, but I was wrong. I felt like a failure and was nervous again, to once see if I had lost enough weight. In the dressing room, I put on three different pairs of size 8 pants and they fit! I cried, for the first time in a long time, i felt complete freedom.
I have not been a size 8 since 8th grade. Some of you reading this, might think a size 8 is big, but you do not know where I have been.
When I entered college, I wore a size 14.
Weight was such a struggle in college and I started to drop the pounds when I set the goal to complete a 25k! (15.5) miles. After running three 25k's , I have been able to maintain a size 10, but that still is not considered "healthy" for my height. Also, I am not satisfied, so I have been working out, eating less junk and more healthy options in order to lose weight. It is finally starting to pay off...
I am finally a size 8 and all of a sudden, i have a new out look on life and the way I look at myself in the mirror. My prayer for me, is to see beyond the number and know that God loves me regardless of my "number."