This entire week, I have been wanting to blog about my life. This week has been nothing short of being an "easy" week.
I have been challenged..
to rely on Him..
God has made it clear to me, my life is not mine, but is his and was paid at a high expense. At any point, he can move and I can choose obedience or disobedience. It seems that his "wake up" calls are a pattern at various moments in my life..
Monday at my "new" job, I passed out.. Not once, but twice and then a series of more passing out episodes continued in the ER. It was my fifth day on the job, and this incident allowed my co-workers to see me completely exposed. I don't like to trust or rely on others.Now when I say passing out, I mean completely losing all muscle control and dropping to the ground.. We are talking plummeting blood pressure, loss of facial color and un-conscious.. By far, the scariest thing I have encountered..
Initial Thought: Pregnant.
Second Thought: Brain Tumor
Third Thought: Low Blood Sugar
None of these thoughts were remotely close to the truth. I've never been so scared in my life. In those brief moments, I knew that I had been trying to lean on my strength some of the time and not relying on him all the time.. He wants me to rely on him EVERY MOMENT, OF EVERY DAY!
Why cant we trust, what we cant see?
Why is it hard to trust?
We have waves of doubt...
Wondering if he hears us..
What are we afraid of?
All of this has led me to an infection, one serious enough to shut oxygen off from brain. One that can ultimately determine the fate of ones life if not caught in time.. Who knew that something like this could be fatal? Thankfully, God is not finished with me, nor am I ready to be done... He has more plans for me..
For now, I need prayer..
Total reliance on him..
Souvenir: Hospital Bracelet..