Sunday, September 26, 2010

Choosing to See

Yesterday, Drew and I said "Goodbye" to a wonderful friend. Rod Mulder will be missed, greatly. The funeral allowed me to experience closure in a chapter of my life and begin a new one. The tributes spoken of him, were astounding and made me wonder, what will people say about me when I am gone?

It made me realize, what kind of legacy do I want to leave?

The type of legacy he left was one of great character who was humble, honest and full of grace.  I learned at the funeral, he was a Christan, who never pushed his beliefs, but simply stood for justice, love, grace and was humility. I never knew he was a christian, I always thought maybe, but he never told me.  He was a man who read his bible cover to cover every year, not simply to do it, but because he wanted to know God deeper, love people more and learn more about grace. He was such a unique person and he made it a point to get to know me, even though I never spoke much in his classes. The funeral was a wonderful way to close a chapter of my life and allow me to think about who I am, what I am doing, why I am doing it and where I am going..

It just got me thinking a lot about life.... What kind of person am I? Where am I going? What kind of things will people remember about me?  What type of relationships am I building with people? Just thinking....

Thursday, September 23, 2010


This afternoon, I recieved the news that my dear and wonderful professor, Rod Mulder had passed away suddenly. Most people reading this will think " he was just a professor", but you are wrong, he was so much more than a professor. This man has one of the most amazing stories I've ever heard of and he was so kind, attentive, caring and loving towards his students. His lessons were beyond the mundane lectures, but rather a journey into discovering one's self. He will be deeply missed. He played a huge role in my social work career and I know I always had a friend in him.

He died at the age of 86. He began his career at Grand Valley in 1966 as an instructor in French. He later served as the Director of Urban Studies and then the Dean of the School of Social Work from 1994- 2003. He then returned to his current role as a professor of social work. He will be greatly missed and contributed so many years to dedicating himself to educating students.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

On my way home..

I love my job.. Most people think I am crazy, but I think they are crazy for not falling in love with the kind of kids I work with. I work with "the least of these" and I love it!

I am a behavioral specialist in a Regionally Emotionally Impaired classroom. Some might ask what does it mean to be emotionally Imparied? This term is used to describe a population of children who have behavioral and emotional issues different then the general population. These issues affect their ability to perform academically and socially interact with other in a acceptable manner. These kids often have a difficult time maintaing satisfactory relationships with classmates and adults. They usually appear depressed or unhappy and have a lot of sensory needs.  Each student I work with has a unique set of needs and personalities. They each have many talents and gifts that need to be developed and utlized.

I love my job! I love these kids! Each day is challenging and rewarding in itself. Some moments  I think what the heck am I doing here? Other moments, I say to myself "this is why I am here." I love my job! I love my EI KIDS!

I got my offical work badge! Now I can recieve 20% off at BN because I am an educator! Cool huh?

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Walk on Water

This entire week, I have been wanting to blog about my life. This week has been nothing short of being an "easy" week.
I have been challenged..
to rely on Him..
Not me...

God has made it clear to me, my life is not mine, but is his and was paid at a high expense. At any point, he can move and I can choose obedience or disobedience. It seems that his "wake up" calls are a pattern at various moments in my life..

Monday at my "new" job, I passed out.. Not once, but twice and then a series of more passing out episodes continued in the ER. It was my fifth day on the job, and  this incident allowed my co-workers to see me completely exposed. I don't like to trust or rely on others.Now when I say passing out, I mean completely losing all muscle control and dropping to the ground.. We are talking plummeting blood pressure, loss of facial color and un-conscious.. By far, the scariest thing I have encountered..  

Initial Thought: Pregnant.
Second Thought: Brain Tumor
Third Thought: Low Blood Sugar

None of these thoughts were remotely close to the truth. I've never been so scared in my life. In those brief moments, I knew that I had been trying to lean on my strength some of the time and not relying on him all the time.. He wants me to rely on him EVERY MOMENT, OF EVERY DAY!

Why cant we trust, what we cant see?
Why is it hard to trust?
We have waves of doubt...
Wavering thoughts.
Wondering if he hears us..
What are we afraid of?

All of this has led me to an infection, one serious enough to shut oxygen off from brain. One that can ultimately determine the fate of ones life if not caught in time.. Who knew that something like this could be fatal? Thankfully, God is not finished with me, nor am I ready to be done... He has more plans for me..
For now, I need prayer..
Total reliance on him..

Souvenir: Hospital Bracelet..

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Letters To God

I wonder what would happen if people started writing letter to God through the postal service?

What would happen if we could be honest in our letters about the hurts, joys, sorrow and pain we feel in our lives?

What would the postal service do with these letters? How many people would actually do this??

Any thoughts fellow bloggers?

Friday, September 10, 2010

Full Attention

It has been said that the urgent keeps us distracted from what’s most important in life. I find this saying to be one thing that centers me when I am distracted. This week has proved to be one of those weeks.

I have started a new job and I absolutely love it! I know I was made to work with kids, especially those that the world doesn’t understand or show love to. I am a full-time behavioral specialist in an Emotionally Impaired classroom. Each day brings its challenges, but I simply love the people who I work for.. I am hoping it stays this way all year.

Next week, I start a part-time nanny position in the evening.. I will work full-time and nanny.. I hope it wont be too much for me..

During this week I have been distracted from what is important. I have been having a hard time with managing my schedule, car repairs (taking longer than it should), insane busyness, trying to carve out time for myself and the demands of other opinions. I am having a hard time staying focused on loving God, Drew and my family. I know balance will come soon, but I don’t want all these thing that seem urgent to distract me from the most important things in life..

The most important things in my life..

Lead me with strong hands...

Monday, September 6, 2010

Chicken Runs, DC Food, Chapel Band, SLR

Six years ago, I moved onto the most amazing floor of girls. Little did I know, they became my best life friends! Who would have known that I could have developed such amazing friendships. I am so thankful for my time at Spring Arbor University.
It was a place of great spiritual growth, understanding and wisdom. I truly enjoyed my experience.

I remember being so nervous about meeting my roommate and wondering if we would get along. I also remember getting lost trying to find my classes. Campus seemed so big at that point. The library was very intimating to me and I remember get teary at the ribbon ceremony. I still have my oak tree ribbon..
It's hard for me to believe that six years has gone by. I remember going with Kristi Gusler to look at engagement rings. I remember Abby and I sharing my twin bed at night. I remember meeting my new roommate Katrina and sharing life with her.If it wasn't for my RA crystal, I would have failed Math. I remember living across the room from Debbie and seeing Brian often during "open hours." I remember Nikki always going to the craft store and having major art projects to work out.. Who couldn't forget all the crazy things Kelsey and Andrea did. .I remember watching Winnie the Pooh with them, going on library runs and eating pizza at Marco's.. I have so many fond memories of my days at the arbor.

I feel very happy and sad.. I am happy to have gone to such a wonderful institution, sad because I am no longer living in the same place with all of my best friends. I cant believe I was excited to graduate.. What was I thinking?? I wish I never left..

Life moves on... I am sad.. This will be my first year in my entire life, not being enrolled in school.. The change alone is enough to send someone into shock.. I have been studying and learning since I was in pre-school.. It all feels very weird to me..
I say.. Spring Arbor University  REUNION!

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Peanut Butter Cups Oreo Heaven

As most of you know, I hate cooking, but the real reason is ... I don't enjoy cleanup! (Drew did it)  Our little apartment does not come equipped with a dishwasher.. If it did, I would cook and bake like a crazy woman.. I have been wanting to make a dessert I call "peanutbutter oreo heaven." The ingredients alone cost me a small fortune and it has to be made in sequence of many steps. Honestly, I didnt think I could be patient enough to make this recipe, especially because of it's time requirements. The bottom layer is an oreo cookie crust concoction ,the middle is a special filling with peanutbutter and many other ingredients. The top is whip cream, confectioners sugar, peanut butter cups and lots of chocolate!

The end result turned into something beautifully, delicious.
Drew enjoyed it and said this might be my new speciality.. Wonder if I could market this puppy?
I am very proud of this dessert. In addition, I made lunch too... I am starting to possibly enjoy cooking, but I will ALWAYS  love baking!

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Fairytale meets Storms

If I open my heart, could I go there with you?

GRIEVING: to mourn, to hurt, to feel sorrow, the normal response to a loss..

Can I go there with you?
The normal process of reacting both internally and externally to the perception of loss. The psychological, behavioral, social and physical reactions to loss of something or someone that is closely tied to a person’s identity. My current grieving coping mechanisms, behaviors, ect.

Current Physical Reactions:

Hyperactive, chest pains, headaches, nausea, abdominal pains, change in appetite, weight change, constant fatigue, sleepless nights, restlessness, crying, and feelings of emptiness.

Current Emotional Reactions: Sadness, Numbness, Anger, Fear, Resentment, Irritability, Anxiety, Loneliness and meaningless.

Current Social Reactions: Overly Sensitive, completely withdrawn, avoid others or social situations, lack of interest or initiative in things.

Current Behavioral Reactions: Forgetfulness (All the time, I cant remember anything) and slowed thinking.

I am in the process of grieving a very special day that was ruined by people’s hurtful words, actions, thoughts and deeds. I have a lot of anger and bitterness stored in my soul. The one day where things are supposed to be happy, is ruined with peoples mean words and actions.

Some might wonder how one could grieve this? As a little girl, teenager and young adult, every girls dreams of her wedding day.. She dreams of how things will look, the type of dress, who will be in the wedding, how her groom will look at her, what kind on in-laws, will she love his family, the wedding hair up-do, the beautiful church and most importantly.. walking down with her dad..


I want a re-do.. I want people who want to be there and people who have rude comments and opinions to stay at home.. They are not welcomed.. I want people to shut their mouths and not say anything that would upset the bride, groom , especially the BRIDES MOTHER! You mess with her and you started a hurricane. People are so inconsiderate, I mean, really!  The stories I could tell people, they would never believe how insanely crazy planning this wedding was..

Who knew a wedding would bring some many apart, instead of close together.

Probably the two best memories of that special day: Walking down the aisle and laughing with dad. Smashing cake in Drew’s face.. What you don’t know is that I accidentally bite Drew’s finger.. HA! We smashed a lot of cake on the carpet too..

Best part, having my life long, best friends there!

Will post more wedding pictures when I get them!