Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Residential Day 1

Yesterday, I received a call from my field instructor at 3:00 pm stating she expected me at my internship at 4:00 pm. Lack of communication is extremely frustrating. I shed many tears on the way over to my internship and even now, continue to tear up about my internship as I think about it. It feels like one frustration after another.

My supervisor ( who we will call A) was there to assist for me two seconds and then it was off to be trained by TT. For confidentiality purposes, I will use initials. TT was training me and another employee, which consisted of going over thousands of pieces of paper work or so it felt.. I was amazed at every colored sheet and even flustered at how I would remember each piece or how to even fill it out...

In addition, we were able to read some of the kids files. It was sad to read that many of the kids had broken their placements and had been in and out of the system a number of times. Most had broken their foster homes placements or sexually abused other children in the foster homes due to their own victimization.

What was the worst for me, was to realize that not all kids go to a loving, nurturing "home." Many of these kids stay at our shelter and this is the only "home" they know of. For me, this was a sad realization. I want every child to have a "home". After school, I have always had a consistent home. I have always know the expectations and have always been able to watch tv, use the Internet or phone whenever needed. These kids earn privileges.. It is a complete different world..

I am not sure about how I am going to deal with this..

I cried a lot last night.. I hope things get better and I can process stuff or at least justify why this is okay.. Maybe, it is not okay and that is why I am having a difficult time with it...

1 comment:

Erin said...

*hugs* be patient with yourself as you learn this new road you're on. And really, what you were wrestling with, it's not ok. The system is messed up. What makes it hard for you, Sweet Sarah, is that you know Jesus intimately and you know His ways are not what you see in this situation. Each person should have a home. A real home. Each person should truly belong somewhere. The fact that this breaks your heart and at the same time pushes you forward to do something about what you see is what is making you into a fantastic social worker. You are a voice for the voiceless, and in order to be that voice you have to know the voiceless in their situation...which is what you're entering into. Your job, sister, is to love. With all you've got: love. let what you see break your heart, but dont' let the system break you. You've got a LOT of light, hope, and love to bring into the system. Take a breath...and keep leaning on Him. (cheesy way to end this rambling, but i mean it in the least cheesy way possible :) )