Thursday, February 26, 2009

Before it's too late...

I've been struggling with what to say. The last couple of days have brought tremedous challenges and I have been struggling to hang in. My older brother has lost everything. His car, house, dog and other possesions have been taken due to his finacial situations. His credit is completely ruined and his life is hanging by a single thread.

Along with losing all of his poessions, he has lost his pride, dignity and manhood. I cannot begin to describe how hard it is to watch someone who you love and know, crumble to the ground. It is extremely sad and heart wrenching. I used to get in the boat and face my feelings, now I just watch the boat go by. I feel numb to all feelings.
I cannot bring myself to cry, nor to get upset.

I am numb.

I no longer process things.

I cannot get my feelings and I feel like no one gets it.

I have faith.

Where is God?

Why does he permit such suffering?

Why me? All the time..

The road is dark and I feel that I can no longer see...

Sunday, February 22, 2009

The Nanny Files

Friday, I spent the day with the babies. I love them a lot ! I have noticed since I have stopped watching them, that they fight. They hit each other and there no longer seems to be harmony between them. It makes me sad because I know how many individuals are watching them and they do not have that consistent discipline. Either way, it was great to see them. They are talking a lot now, which is so fun! Katelyn is starting to say "yumkic" for yuckie. She says it when she sees food on the floor or when some thing is dirty. It is so funny!

It is amazing how kids change in three weeks. In additon to the new found language, the kids are starting to run. Katelyn used to stumble when walking, but now she is full force and running. They are fast little buggers!

Saturday, February 21, 2009

a snowy saturday

We just got a phone call that no one ever wants to get .

My brother’s condo is in foreclosure due to financial issues. He lost his job on Wednesday, but this is just the beginning.

He moved in with his girlfriend about three months ago. This morning, her house caught on fire due him cooking fish in the deep fryer. The deep fryer burst into flames as my brother removed the glass top. Both of them tried to put out the fire, but it was too big and kept spreading. It took the kitchen, living room, dining room and the damage is still be assessed.

As you can imagine, we are thankful for both of their safety. They are both lucky they made it out alive and he is so lucky he was not burned. Prayers will be needed as they both are in traumatic shock. Currently, they will be staying in hotel.. God has a plan and I must trust that.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Pink Hot dogs, tears and jelly sandwhiches

Pink Hotdogs!

Can you imagine your child eating pink hot dogs for lunch? Do people realize how unhealthy the food that is served at school is so wrong? It has occured to me how in schools, children are eating food that is inhumane. I was disgusted by pink hots dogs. Our country is the most wealthy country in the world, we should be able to afford for our students eat properly.

I am mad!

These kids come from places of poverty where the only meal they recieve is at school.

Pink hot dogs! It is wrong.. It makes me sad to see so many kids who are hungry and do not eat the meal at school because it isnt edible. I wish that someone could step up to the plate and make healthy food available to children who have no other option.

Many of the kids in my class cannot function without food because they are so hungry and they cannot pay attention. Without the basic needs met, kids cannot learn.. How can teachers and principals accept otherwise then students not paying attention and acting out if basic needs have not been met.

Just a thought.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009


I found this online somewhere. I thought it was an interesting goal list to keep! You check the things you have done and those that you have not, you leave blank. I hope to complete most of these in my lifetime.

Things you have done during your lifetime:
() Gone on a blind date( I don’t really want to do this one)
(x) Skipped school
(x ) Watched someone die –
(X) Been to Canada
() Been to Mexico
(X) Been to Florida
( ) Been to Hawaii
(X) Been on a plane – Planes, I love them.
( ) Been on a helicopter
(X) Been lost - oh, yeah
() Gone to Washington, DC
(X) Swam in the ocean – Indian and Pacific
(X) Cried yourself to sleep
(X) Played cops and robbers - Always
(X) Recently colored with crayons - you never out grow crayons
( X) Sang Karaoke
(X) Paid for a meal with coins only -
() Been to the top of the St. Louis Arch
(X) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't
( ) Made prank phone calls
() Been down Bourbon Street in New Orleans
(X) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose - milk
(X) Caught a snowflake on your tongue
( ) Danced in the rain-naked – uh, no
( ) Written a letter to Santa Claus
() Been kissed under the mistletoe
(X) Watched the sunrise with someone
(X) Blown bubbles
(X) Gone ice-skating
(X) Gone to the movies
( ) Been deep sea fishing
() Driven across the United States
( ) Been in a hot air balloon - I'd like to!
( X) Been sky diving
() Gone snowmobiling
( ) Lived in more than one country
(X) Lay down outside at night and admired the stars while listening to the crickets
(X) Seen a falling star and made a wish
(x) Enjoyed the beauty of Old Faithful Geyser
( ) Seen the Statue of Liberty
( ) Gone to the top of Seattle Space Needle
( ) Been on a cruise
(X) Traveled by train
( ) Traveled by motorcycle
(X) Been horse back riding
() Ridden on a San Francisco CABLE CAR
(X) Been to Disneyland OR Disney World – Are you kidding me? I love Disney world!!
(X) Truly believe in the power of prayer
( ) Been in a rain forest
( ) Seen whales in the ocean
(X) Been to Niagara Falls
( ) Ridden on an elephant
( ) Swam with dolphins - watched them swim from the pier
() Been to the Olympics -
( ) Walked on the Great Wall of China
( ) Saw and heard a glacier calf (a what?)
( ) Been spinnaker flying
(x) Been water-skiing
() Been snow-skiing
() Been to Westminster Abbey
( ) Been to the Louvre- I would love to go to in France!
( ) Swam in the Mediterranean
(X) Been to a Major League Baseball game
( ) Been to a National Football League game

When I get to the end of this list, I realize I have done hardly anything. I need to get going to accomplish this thing! I have more goals then the ones here, but I thought it was an interesting collection!

Octuplet Mom

This morning, I was delighted to be able to spend some my time with my dear Kelsey. It felt like we were in college again at Panera. I miss my friends dearly. It is so nice to hear what is going on in her life. I am very excited to see how she is going to use her talents and gifts to glorify God.

I have decided I wanted to write a blog based on injustice. Daily, individuals are treated less then human and it’s sickening to think that humans are no longer value in our society. I hope to discuss some interesting topic on here.
My first thought of social injustice deals with the “Octuplet Mom” children. In previous social work experience, I have worked with children who are living in compromised living situations and I cannot help but feel that her children in someway will be in that situation. One child is already autistic, the other has special needs and she has another child with Aspergerers. These types of kids require a lot of strength, patience and dedication. These are wonderful kids, but they need a special kind of attention, love and support. I struggle to wonder if the new 8 children brought home will be taken care of to their fullest needs. I cannot help but wonder the type of impact 8 more children will have on her current children. I know the mother has been receiving a lot of criticism and my point here is not to judge, but to think about how these children will grow up. Her kids do not have a voice in this situation and I wonder what they would say 20 years from now. Would they be better put up for adoption? What will their life look like without a father? Will the children make it to highschool graduation? I just wonder about a lot of different things and I think it’s important to understand that the biological, social and psychological implications are extremely important in this situation. Keep kids safe and healthy is my number one goal.

I wonder how the mother is handling all the media, threats and judgment. It is clear that individuals have their own opinions and that is perfectly fine, but I wonder what would happen if would surround her with love. What would happen if a community came around her and said, “We’ll help you” even though she chose this situation. I wonder what that would look and feel like…. Its shame to me that we like to point the finger, make judgment calls, when we all have made plenty of mistakes. I surely do not agree with some of her choices, but they have been made. I am curious what others think about this topic. .Any thoughts? Should we help her? Ignore her?

Monday, February 16, 2009


Blessed is the word that I would describe having Drew in my life. This weekend I did not display my kindest, patient virtues. I had to cram for a huge mid-term on the DSM. I studied Friday evening, Saturday and Sunday all day. This mid-term was 30% of my grade and I am pretty sure I bombed it!

Anyways, Drew was very sweet through it. Sunday, he had me come over and study, which I didn’t think was going to happen, but he was very proactive about telling me that I needed to study. He was extremely encouraging and helped me study. He even did a new look for my blog, which I love!!! It is awesome. I am so happy when I come to my blog now! In addition to the blog, he also cooked spaghetti dinner, roles and meatballs. It was fantastic. He was sounderstanding and sweet even though I was stressed and crazy! It was very nice. He also burned me the new Fray cd! I highly recommend it!

Valentines week was highly memorable even though I had a crazy midterm to study for! I am so blessed to have someone so loving and kind to help me through my Masters Program! I am very thankful for him!

Saturday, February 14, 2009


I found this really awesome website that I am super de duper excited about!!!

It is called You take your old paper back books and list the ISBN number. Then, someone else requests books that you have. You just pay the shipping to them. You then earn a credit to get a book from someone else. It is a very neat way to get rid of books and get new books without spending a whole lot of money.

Ever since I was in first grade, I have loved books. I am very picky about my books. I hate books whose covers are bent or ruined. I love collecting books and I love reading them. Today, I bought "When God writes your life story" at goodwill for 60cents! It was a steal. I have had my eye on the book for quite sometime, but I have been unwilling to pay $12.99 for it. Thankfully, I am now able to get books off

This is really cool and suggest that everyone who loves to read, checks it out!

Happy Love Day

The new job is going wonderful! I must say I am enjoying myself! The kiddo's are fun and keep me on my toes!

School is school. I am very busy. I am learning a lot about the mental health disorders individuals face. It is very startling to hear the number and statistics, but it is also very good to be aware. Today, I am studying for a huge mid-term on monday. I am nervous since it is 30% of my grade.

On another note, thank you for the prayers concerning my dads job situation. He has a interview on monday.. Let's hope that is the right one!

Finally, I have been thinking a lot about life recently. At school, a little girl from Africa preciously eats all her food during lunch. I am amazed to see how every day she licks the tray completely empty, yet she is so skinny. I knew from the moment I saw her that she was from Africa. It brings me back to my days there. I think I have fallen in love with the African people. They are so thankful, generous and kind. Their attitude amazes me and touches me at the deepest part of my soul. Everyday I see this little girl, I am reminded of her gracious and thankful attitude. My hope is that one day I will be able to adopt a child or go back and spend more time there!

Until my next post, have a wonderful valentines day!

Friday, February 13, 2009

Four Eyes

Recently, I have been looking at getting a pair of glasses. I have perfectly fine eyes, but I think it would be beneficial in making me appear older.. I am on the search for glasses that I like and make me look older!

In addition, I found out that Pages in Time is going out of business... Oh, that is terrible.. I feel so bad :(

Monday, February 9, 2009

Time to breath

The next two weeks of my life look very busy, stressful and crazy. School is coming to a turning point. I will be spending the next two weeks writing papers, studying for crazy mid-terms and losing my mind. I really need some time to breath from school. I continue to go 100 miles an hour between school and work. I am having a hard with balancing. Ultimately, I am suffering from sleep, exercise and mental stability. I think one can only keep up with this pace before an individual hits a wall. I am starting to hit my wall.....

I dont like the idea of complainning, but I need to let it out somewhere. I just am going to have a tough weeks aside from all the other drama going on in life. I just want to turn off my cell phone, email and other forms of communication, so I am able to focus....

I need to find time to breath.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Have a little faith in me

This weekend Drew and I were super busy! We went to see the movie “New in Town”. It was a great representation of the current job loss our country faces. It is about a small town that is going to lose it’s livelihood by a big corporation, when Rene Zeilweegaar comes to try and save the plant. It just reminded me about how thankful people need to be about the jobs they have and help those who do not have jobs. Times are tough, people are suffering, but God is God and he is Good.

On another note Drew and I went and looked at engagement rings. I am admit I may be some what picky. I turned down about five or six rings till I found one that I thought was perfect. I do not want to be materialistic and honestly, any ring would be fine, but some just do not look good on my finger or others are just too fancy, not me. I did find a ring that is a 1 ½ ctw and it is beautiful. The wedding band is another 1/2 ctw. I must say it is breath taking! The picture makes it seem bigger then what it really is....

On a more serious note, Drew’s grandma is in the hospital. They have done some tests, but they do not know what is wrong with her. She is having a hard time breathing, so prayers are necessary. Aside from that, a lot of drama is happening in Drew’s extended family, so prayers are needed. 60% of his extended family is out of a job. It is just a tough time for many folks, so we just need to turn our heads and hearts to God

This weekend I was able to spend a majority of the time relaxing and I really needed it. I pray that everyone is doing well. Until next time, may Gods peace surround you.

Weekly Bargains!

This week I bought pop tarts for 50cents! I thought it was a great deal. I felt like I stole them from the store because they were so cheap! I bought five boxes. Strawberry poptarts are my favorite kind, but I do happen to like brown sugar cinnamon.. I was very excited about this bargain… The small things in life mean a lot..

Another bargain I found this week was my new Cuttle Kids die cut system. I bought a set of die letters and the machine for $30, which normally retails around $50, so I was pretty excited about this. It will be very helpful for my scrapbooking supplies. I mostly spend a lot of money on stickers and such, so this will be very beneficial! I am excited to use it in my scrapbooks!

I love a good deal!