Thursday, May 29, 2008


Sometimes, you just want to be held until the pain passes.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

This is a Battle

People who know me close, reconize that I am running into a person from the past, whom isn't going away. People who know me, know that it makes me very nervous. I have tried to put the past behind me in order to move on to the future, but I cant move on when the past keeps coming back. When the emotions, tears and frustration come back. I have seen this person multiple times in the past four weeks and I am getting sick of it. It makes me feel like Grand Rapids is too small. I am ready to move. I am willing to relocate for any type of job even if its out of the country...
I feel like i cannot breathe here.. It's frustrating and emotionally drainning.. Go away and stay away.. I am sick of seeing you everywhere!!!

Tuesday, May 27, 2008


This afternoon a friend called me and is having a struggle in her marriage. She has been married for 26 years and has hit a point of no return. Her marriage is falling apart, she has been unhappy for the last 10 years and has stayed with him because it is safe. She wants to leave him and as a christian and a friend.. .What advice should I give? I tell her I want to be happy and that I want her to live an abundant life, but her and I both know that she cannot do that if she doesnt leave him. The details are not really necessary for this posting, but in her best interest and concering her safety, I believe it important that she leaves him. How do you leave someone after 26 years when everything has become so comfortable, when you have put up with the same crap day and day out and never do anything about it? It makes me feel sad, angry, frustrated, leaves me with questions, doubts and other feelings that I don't think marriage is supposed to leave you with.

Marriage is hard and I know that, but does it really do this to people? Does it lower one self image and self esteem that they can barely scrap themselves off the ground to make the decision to leave because its the only healthy thing to do. I dont really know. I dont know.. It makes me nervous and unsure of what to say or do.

This is the Time

This is the Time

I’ve been waiting for my dreams to turn into something I’ve believed in and I have realized everything that I have ever wanted has become either a reality or will become real. I am a strong, determined woman who knows where she is going even if I have no direction. I know that I am young, but I know that I have had so many opportunities to have the time of my life and I am not ready for them to end. South Africa, The River Bank Run, Graduating and Skydiving are many of the highlights from this year that keep me moving forward and excited for new growing opportunities.

I know I’ve made mistakes and I fall short every day, but I know that specific plans are laid before me, I can taste it. I know I live passionately because life is so much more then the daily grind of work, stress, tears and frustration. We were made for something far greater.

I love this verse in the Bible “ Let us throw everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us”. Life is a race that we either live out loud, passionately, boldly or we live in shell that hinders us from tasting the real beauty of creation. I know people want to know what I am thinking and often, I cannot find the depth of words to describe my analytical mind, but this is the one place where I can put words to my life. I know that I am a deep thinker and things either move me deeply or I hurt for the world, because I know things can be better.

Perhaps I am a dreamer or maybe I see the world in the way it could be and I am profoundly lost in the next step. Maybe if people loved for the right reasons and two people had such deep love they could change the world together. Perchance if we could unselfishly love one another and serve one another, the world would be different. Maybe if we listened to our hearts instead of society we would live differently. I don’t know.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately and I have thought about fear. Fear keeps us from living and being who we were created to be. I think that fear in itself is a journey to be explored. I know over the last six months I have come face to face with fear and every time I look it square in the eye, feeling my knees trembling, but never once have I let it defeat me. I know it’s a battle that is between flesh and blood, but the reality of the situation is are we going to let fear rule our life or are we going to lose our life and defeat fear? What kind of choices are we going to make. I know that this thinking may be too deep or it may cause people not want to read because this thinking brings change. PEOPLE DON’T LIKE CHANGE. If people wanted to change, they would do it themselves instead of having someone tell them what to do….

I know I am very restless with life and I know that the world is at my fingertips, yet I feel responsible to certain things in my life. I am keeping the door open and I know that God will move me when the time is right… Move ME NOW!!! He’ll move me when I am not ready and when fear stands in my way. I know it. This is a battle….

I know I am going back to Africa.... The one thing I know for sure...

Monday, May 26, 2008

Life and other things

Well, today I am going to send my resume in for a few jobs!! Let's hope something sparks an interest because I am ready for a real job.. Lol.. Yesterday Drew and I went out to Holland. It was beautiful day and we had a wonderful time... I am looking forward to beautiful summer weather and friends!! I hope everyone is doing well.. Take care friends!!

Sunday, May 25, 2008

The Final Call for Flight Anti-social Thrill Seekers!

More pictures

The Final Call for Flight Anti-social Thrill Seekers!

Either live big or Don't live at all. I working on putting the video up on youtube, but for now enjoy some pictures!! We jumped from 14,000 feet, which is 10 Empire State Buildings stacked on each other!!

Saturday, May 24, 2008


I am home by myself and well, I don't really enjoy it.. Tommorow or actually today I am going skydiving... I am really excited and i cannot wait, but I am nervous too.. I also am applying for a law firm job, which I am kinda excited about. I have an inn, so I am hoping to get something.. Prayers please.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

I just get shy

Today in my School Social Work class we had to cut pictures, words and anything that described us. I get very shy when it comes to talking about myself let alone, let alone getting up in front in the entire class. So, like always I was the last person to talk about myself because I just tend to get shy, but none the less I made my classmates laugh about who I was and it was a grand ole time.

I cannot wait to go skydiving on Saturday.. I am extremely excited for adventure and I think life is either one daring adventure or nothing at all!!!

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

20 Amazing Things about the Human Body

20 Amazing Things About the Human Body
1. Approximately 50,000 cells in your body will die and be replaced with new cells during the time it takes you to read this sentence. We make a new skeleton every three months and a new layer of skin every month.

2. There's something unique about all of us, and it's not just your fingerprint. Every human has a unique tongue print, too.

3. Every square inch of your skin contains 20 feet of blood vessels, 4 yards of nerve fibers, 1,300 nerve cells, 100 sweat glands, and 3 million cells.

4. In one hour, your heart produces enough energy to raise a ton of steel 3 feet off the ground.

5. You use an average of 43 muscles in your face when you frown. It only takes 17 muscles to smile.

6. Red blood cells are frequent fliers. After being created inside the bones, the cells make approximately 250,000 round trips -- at 60,000 miles each trip-- through the body before returning to the bone marrow to die 120 days later.

7. The adult human body comprises 206 bones, and more than half are accounted for in the hands and feet.

8. The heart will beat an average of 3 billion times during an average person's lifetime.

9. The aorta is the large artery that runs down the center of your body. It's almost the diameter of a garden hose. By contrast, capillaries, the body's smallest blood vessels, are so small that it takes 10 of them side by side to equal the thickness of one strand of human hair.

10. The average person will lose 100 strands of hair per day and over 10 billion skin flakes. Get out the vacuum!

11. The human eye can distinguish up to a million different colors and take in more information than the largest telescope known to man.

12. When we touch something, the signal travels through the nerves to our brain at a speed of 124 mph.

13. The skin is the body's largest organ, but it's also a pretty big medicine cabinet. The skin secretes antibacterial substances and serves as the first layer of defense for invading microorganisms. Most bacteria that land on the skin die quickly.

14. An adult stomach can hold up to 1.5 liters of material, but this doesn't mean you have to test that limit at every meal.

15. Fingernails and hair are made out of the same substance -- keratin.

16. During the first month of life, an infant is learning so many new things that the number of connections, called synapses, between brain cells increases from 50 trillion to 1 quadrillion. By comparison, if the rest of the infant's body responded with equally rapid growth, she'd weigh 170 pounds by the time she was a month old.

17. If the shoe fits...well, just make sure it does. The big toe is one of the most important structural parts of the body. That one appendage is responsible for helping us maintain our balance and propel us forward when walking .

18. The human liver is responsible for more than 500 distinct processes in the body. It is so important that if a person has two-thirds of their liver removed as a result of trauma or surgery, it will grow back to its original size in as little as four weeks.

19. Beards are the fastest growing hairs on the human body. If the average man never trimmed his beard, it would grow to nearly 30 feet long in his lifetime.

20. The average person takes 23,000 breaths a day. Make this one count.


The past 24 hours of my life have been spent in deep reflection and conversation about life. I am the type of person who is very deep, passionate and emotional. I may not express my emotions, but I have such deep feelings about things in the world. I see life as a rare form of beauty and I believe that people live a daily meaning less life becuase they do not understand the eternal implications on one day. I am reminded today of fear and wreckless abandoment. People live their lives in fear, always holding back, not saying enough or in a shell. I am tired of feeling restless about life, holding back oponions, not living passionately. I was made for this. I was made for something so much bigger and I will not let the daily grind keep me from this. Life is bigger, better and fuller. Wreckless abandoment is the only way to live life. I know who the "one" is, i know where i am supposed to be and I know what I am supposed to do, but taking the steps to get there is where FEAR stops me and leaves me unsure.

If we knew tommorow was our last breath, we would be living a complete life.. Think about that and make the most of today.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Saturday, May 17, 2008


Today was my final days at Spring Arbor University. I will really miss all the great times and the great memories. I am very thankful for my time spent there. I have learned so much and have a great appreciation for life. I am thankful for my friends who have gotten me through some good and bad times. I am going to miss them so much. I can see that we're all going in separate directions, which is sad, but also very necessary for growth. Someone else told me that at milestones like these are "the end of the beginning." I am very excited for the beginning to see where life is going to take me on the this new adventure.

Someone once told me that I am a very passionate person who lives life well. I took that as a compliment and want to continue living a full passionate life that serves people. I am looking at going sky diving this next weekend.. .I will let you guys know the status on that..
Graduation pictures will follow sometime tommorow.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008


Drew and I went to hear Obama talk today. Edwards announced his endorsement today. This made national news.. CNN was there and all kinds of other big wigs from the media.. It was cool to see history unfold. I am not in favor of one candiate over another at this point. I am trying to become educated on the issues and make a decision from there.. Here are some pictures...


Today, I miss the children of South Africa.. Greatly... I miss their happiness, joy and all the laughter. I miss the smiles, big white teeth and angel faces.. I miss them today..

One of those days

Do ever have one of those days where you feel off? Nothing feels right? Your clothes don't fit right. Your hair doesnt look right. You teeth somehow are more crooked then you remembered? Your eyes look baggy. You car doesnt drive right? I could go on and on, but we've all had those days I am sure.. I hate those days. They are probably the most painful to endure, but what I have learned is to be content in all things. It sounds easy, but it is quite the exact oppositite. As humans, we find ourselves never fully content. Were on the discovery for the latest and greatest this or that or if I just had that one thing my life would be so much easier, but this isn't so. We always end up feeling more empty and lonely then before we began the search. I feel empty and lonely. No matter what I seem to try to achieve or do, well, I am never content. I feel accomplished, but never content. Only one thing can make us content. No amount of money, stuff, cars, advetures, vacations or things can put us in that peaceful place of being content.

Words of encouragement

by Max Lucado

Cries of loneliness. Tune out the traffic and turn down the TV. The cry is
there. You can hear their cries. You can hear them in the convalescent home
among the sighs and the shuffling feet. You can hear them in the prisons among
the moans of shame and the calls for mercy. You can hear them if you walk the
manicured streets of suburban America, among the aborted ambitions and aging
homecoming queens. Listen for it in the halls of our high schools where peer
pressure weeds out the “have-nots” from the “haves.”

Many of you have been spared this cruel cry. Oh, you have been homesick or upset
a time or two. But despair? Far from it. Suicide? Of course not. Be thankful
that it hasn’t knocked on your door. Pray that it never will. If you have yet to
fight this battle, you are welcome to read on if you wish, but I’m really
writing to someone else.

I am writing to those who know this cry firsthand. I’m writing to those of you
whose days are bookended with broken hearts and long evenings. I’m writing to
those of you who can find a lonely person simply by looking in the mirror.

For you, loneliness is a way of life. The sleepless nights. The lonely bed. The
distrust. The fear of tomorrow. The unending hurt.

When did it begin? In your childhood? At the divorce? At retirement? At the
cemetery? When the kids left home?

Maybe you have fooled everyone. No one knows that you are lonely. On the outside
you are packaged perfectly. Your smile is quick. Your job is stable. Your
clothes are sharp. Your waist is thin. Your calendar is full. Your walk brisk.
Your talk impressive. But when you look in the mirror, you fool no one. When you
are alone, the duplicity ceases and the pain surfaces.

Or maybe you don’t try to hide it. Maybe you have always been outside the circle
looking in, and everyone knows it. Your conversation is a bit awkward. Your
companionship is seldom requested. Your clothes are dull. Your looks are common.
Ziggy is your hero and Charlie Brown is your mentor.

Am I striking a chord? If I am, if you have nodded or sighed in understanding, I
have an important message for you.

The most gut-wrenching cry of loneliness in history came not from a prisoner or
a widow or a patient. It came from a hill, from a cross, from a Messiah.

“My God, my God,” he screamed, “why did you abandon me!” (Matthew 27:46)

Never have words carried so much hurt. Never has one being been so lonely.

Out of the silent sky come the words screamed by all who walk in the desert of
loneliness. “Why? Why did you abandon me?”

I keep thinking of all the people who cast despairing eyes toward the dark
heavens and cry “Why?”

And I imagine him. I imagine him listening. I picture his eyes misting and a
pierced hand brushing away a tear. And although he may offer no answer, although
he may solve no dilemma, although the question may freeze painfully in midair,
he who also was once alone, understands.

Monday, May 12, 2008

15.5 Miles of RiverBank

Saturday proved to be a wonderful day for a 15.5 mile run. Nothing but sun, bugs, throwing up, Diarrhea and a hungry stomach. The race was wonderful despite, all the craziness. The course seemed shorter than I had remembered, but had more hills then I wanted. Through out the second half of the race, I remember becoming quite delirious and unaware of my surroundings. I remember having conversations with runners, and with spectators, but I cannot recall what was I said. Weird eh? However, the entire course I was very sick. I had a hard time keeping fluids in and anything solid. Most of it ended up back on the ground, so this is extremely grueling for the body to entire without much energy. It took a long of strength mentally to continue when you feel like crap running the thing.
I must say thank you to all of those who came out and supported their runners. It is very nice to see such wonderful people cheering on family, friends, coworkers and children. It is by far one of the best races, I have ever run in. I love it! I hope to continue doing it for many years.

Let’s talk about my finish because that was by far the best part. I get to Monroe Street, which is the last .5 mile of the race. I am looking for Mom, Dad, Rachel and Drew, but had no luck seeing them until; I approached the last stinking hill. I see Drew & my parents and immediately start sprinting as fast as I possibly can meanwhile, I hear all these people cheering. Also, at this same time my breathing starts kicking into to gear and I am gasping for breath, which is probably due to my excitement and my quick pace. I reach my dad and start talking about how I need to finish this thing in 3.5hrs and he tells me to stop talking and breathe… I couldn’t breathe, but I kept running, so finally we’re approaching the finish line hand in hand when I hear the crowd, see the photographers and feel my heart falling out of my chest and we finish hand in hand arms up. Very cool shot from a photographer stand point. I hit the finish line and try to start breathing, but I can barely hold myself.

At this point, I am completely dehydrated, hungry and in need of a bathroom when, a woman runs up to me and says “ I want to give you my medal because you wont get a medal because they don’t have any left and I want you to have one because you did such a good job. At the point I was drained physically, that I smiled, said thank you, hugged her and walked away. This gives me goose bumps when I think about it because it was so very kind of her and I wish I would have gotten her bib number because I ended up getting a medal and she walked away with nothing, but a cool story. So, thank you, whoever you are. .Hero’s do exist and I got to meet one…. Thanks to everyone who came out!! It was a weekend of great memories.

These two, are my inspiration for everything!

Thursday, May 8, 2008


Wow, I realize that I have not updated this thing in forever.

May 4th- I offically turned 22.. Nothing special...

I am ready for riverbank run.

I am in my graduate classes, which are consuming my life.

I am looking for a job

I am running 15.5 miles in less then 48 hours..